Suicide is nothing to ignore; this decision is beyond all others. It is one of the most powerful, hurtful, and weakest things a person can do.

Unfortunately, I had fallen victim to its allure.

The events leading to my dark time are demeaning and I pray and hope that you avoid horrible things that happened to me. 

For years it was buried, then came a recollection of my past events leading me to the thought of that eternal release from this world.

With depression, everything was meaningless. I felt no reason to even get up in the morning. The way I saw things; there was no silver lining, just a dark looming shadow casted over me. Nothing was real anymore, like I was living in a bad dream.

For the last two years, I have fought with myself, as well as everyone and everything around me. After each time I cut myself, I knew I couldn’t cheat my way out of this; I had to awake from this miserable, empty prison.

I was at my breaking point, when something tremendous woke me up. I realized I was hurting my family. That was when I made the strongest decision that I’ve ever made–to go to a psychiatric hospital. I was suicidal, and that broke my family’s hearts wide open.

My guts twisted and fear begged me turn back. My family walked behind me as we got closer and closer to the hospital entrance with the sign reading, “Colorado West Regional Mental Health Center.” Then, I was surrounded by other patients who were like me. They too were suicidal.

The doctors called us patients “it”. The other patients I met there became the people I cared most for, and I developed a new way of thinking by listening to all of their stories. I couldn’t believe the things those other people had gone through. It was too real.

The whole time I was in the hospital, I could feel myself healing. Slowly but surely I began to appreciate all of the little things in my life– things I had once overlooked. Everything started to come clear and I began to feel like everything would be okay. I started to laugh and smile again. My eyes had gained back that twinkle, and I couldn’t wait to go back home and show everyone the real me; the one who was held captive for two years.

To this day I am treated for depression, I am on anti-depressant medications. I am greatly thankful for Colorado West Regional Mental Heath. They unleashed my life and now I can accomplish so much more than I ever could before.